I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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