sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
