The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
