There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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