twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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