While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
