I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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