Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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