the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
a search helicopter?!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
