I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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