she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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