Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
