why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
