What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
