I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This baby is an asshole
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
