don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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