So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
