theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
