I just made out with a guy for $7.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
