i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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