Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
