i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
