Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
