There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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