bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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