just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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