I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
