Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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