Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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