life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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