don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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