Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
