I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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