I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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