I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
