At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
