Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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