yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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