New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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