I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
