I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
