My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
