my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
