In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
