Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sex in a hospital.. check
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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