the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
