Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
