look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
