I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
