And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
