best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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