Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
