Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
